i'm back :)
well, everything's gone to shit again.
everytime i think i'm falling for you, you go and do stuff like last night.
i feel like a fucking ping pong ball.
look, if you're going to be such a douche all the time, then tell me now, so i can stop wasting my time.
i have a plan.
it's gonna be hard to execute.
and it might hurt a couple of people.
well, fuck that.
i doubt it will actually.
i think i've fooled myself into thinking that they actually care.
and me cutting them out of my life will hurt them.
it'll probs just make them happier.
because i'm that much of a total fucking failure.
i fuck everything up.
maybe EVERYONE would be better off, without me.
i just bring everyone down.
all the fucking time.
maybe, i'll just back off.
curl up in a corner.
leave everyone alone.
i can't even bring myself to care anymore.
is that bad?
- Music:kids in love - mayday parade
so. my heart confuses me.
i really wish i knew how i felt.
whether i like him. or him. or whether what i told him is true.
whether what i told blonde friend, and ginger friend, is true.
i'm just sort of floating atm.
floating in not knowing.
floating in not feeling.
also. my brain confuses me.
WHY DIDN'T IT GO BLANK IN THE RE EXAM? OR EVEN OF MICE AND MEN?
NO THE FUCKING STATS MOCK.
i can't believe i completely blanked.
i totes failed.
aswell. my friends confuse me.
except they don't really.
well, not atm.
but i'm sure, soon enough, everything will go to shit again.
and i'll be the shoulder to cry on.
not that i care. i kinda like it really.
life is good atm.
even if all we can be is friends, i prefer that a hell of a lot to being nothing.
i kinda like this feeling of nothing.
and totally, utterly, exhilirating.
for some bizarre reason.
so, naturally by selena gomez basically sums up how i feel atm. well, how i feel about him.
and i'm pretty in love with the this providence album (who are you now?), espesh sand in your shoes. speaking of that, somebody to talk to by this providence sums up how i feel atm as well.
so, yeah. my life atm is a wreck. and idk why. i've been in one of those really depressing moods for like, a while now. but, i think i've figured my heart out. but i don't like what it's telling me. because basically it's telling me that i really, really, like Him. and, i don't want to. because... there's just too many complications. but, if i really like Him... FFS.
douche-friend, as i have christened her, is still being a bitch. i mean, she really needs to get over herself. 'oh, he didn't answer my text', 'oh, i'm depressed because i miss him'. but, now, i understand what she was getting at with the whole 'when i'm with boyfriend, my problems go away', because whenever i talk to Him, i can't stop smiling like an idiot, and i don't care about anything else, i just don't think when i talk to him, and it gives me the break from everything i need.
oh, and imma fail my exams. miserably. mainly because i can't sit still long enough to revise. and because i've got too much on my mind. and my head has started hurting again, like, mega-ly, so i'm probs gonna have to go to the hospital again. UGH. JFC.
- Music:sand in your shoes - this providence
so, hay guyz.
i haven't updated in like FOREVEAR.
so miley + teh jo bros were A-MAZ-ING.
as if metro station broke up T__T. i nearly cried.
one of my best friends is being a douche. she's constantly 'OHHHHHHHH I LOVE HIMM. I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHH' and i'm all like bitch. you've been going out for like three weeks. you've been on ONE date. he won't even hug you. actually get over yourself now, kthnxbye.
my other friend is being a crazy stalker lady over THE cutest guy ^_^. even if he is a year younger than me. and even if he does like twilight. i mean, DUDE. he wears glasses ;'DDDD. and has the most awesome hair. and we can talk to each other about EVERYTHING. i mean, i even told him about the thing that only FIVE people know. FIVE PEOPLE. not even my best friend knows. but that's because she's sensitive and i don't wanna make her worry. but douche-friend knows. and is convinced it's her fault :/
and while this guy is cute and all, i don't think i LIKE him like him. i think i like this other dude. but IDK.
HOH YEAH. and i was really looking forward to this party right?? but then i found out this person i really hate was going and i was all like, no. and i was REALLLLLLLLLYYYYY like, excited about this party. and i kinda want to cry. but it dm.
woah. so yeah.
that's how bri c's it.
UGH. ICH DETESTE MA LIFE. T__T
- Location:MAH HAUS
- Music:letdown - this providence
how out of order was Kanye West? he wasn't even nominated in that category (it would've been REALLY weird if he was) but he had to go and ruin Taylor's moment. she's never done anything to him, but imagine how she must've felt. i don't normally like Beyonce but what she did for Taylor was amazing and had made me respect her that little bit more. as Katy Perry said 'it's like stepping on a kitten.' which is true. she's only 19 and this mega celebrity has just got up on stage when she's just won an award and basically told her that she shouldn't have won.
anyway, on a brighter note, i have to go to hospital. that's not really a brighter note is it? it's nothing serious, or at least i hope it's not. just some really bad headaches.
there's this girl in my year who is convinced this other dude fancies her and is gonna ask her out, even though they've never spoken and he fancies someone else. god, 'fancies' is such a childish word.
so that's it.
- Music:here we go again - pixie lott
So, I'm here watching criminal minds with anton yelchin in it and a sudden urge to update overwhelms me.
I got back from crete two days ago. It was fun. There were lots of cats. LOTS of cats.
i'm quite busy over the next couple of weeks and it's my birthday two weeks yesterday.
well, that's life i guess.
... i'm going on holiday tomorrow.
i'm kinda scared that i'm going to get there and all the greek people are gonna be like,
'you can't come into our country because your country has swine flu'
and i'm like gonna get sent home.
i think time away from school is helping me get over him.
at least i hope it is.
next year is really important and i can't deal with this anymore.
so all in all it's been a pretty good holiday so far. :)
- Music:New Perspective - Panic! At The Disco
life is pretty damn good at the moment.
although my best friend is going into hospital and i'm going to miss her like crazy.
It's summer, and although the weather is doing crazy things i couldn't care less.
I can't wait until novemeber though.
I'm going to see the Jonas Brothers.
And in December I'm off to Miley Cyrus + METRO STATION
which i am obvs crazy about.
Pretty damn good.
Have you ever had one of those moments where you just feel everyone would be so much better off if you weren't around?
Recently, I've been thinking that more and more often.
I have a damn good life. My parents love me, i never go hungry and there's a roof over my head. My sister cares about me and although we have our moments, we get through everything.
I go to a good school and i quite clever. I'm popular and i have loads of friends.
There's always a but.
But i'm being buried under the pressure of living up to my sisters name. My friends can't respect who i am and can't understand that i don't want to be the same as everyone else and that i want to be individual. They can't understand my choices or understand that i don't want to share everything. My parents are always shouting and yelling over the tiniest of things.
I feel like i'm being crushed and i can't say or do anything to stop it.
HI! *Waves frantically* I don't tend to post often, if at all, as i am a rubbish writer. Or at least i think so. But no one's going to be reading this so why bother typing it? Becuase i'm bored i tell you imaginary person. I bet even imaginary person won't read it. You've let me down Bob. And i am as of now typing to myself so why am i still typing? Oh i don't knnow. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Oooooooooooooooo.. shiny.
And if anyone is reading this I'm not as strange as i might seem. :)